If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by fear, loneliness, anger, or confusion on your spiritual journey, you’re not alone. Many people who turn to Buddhist teachings are searching for tools to work with life’s most difficult emotions. But sometimes, the teachings feel lofty, distant—or not entirely applicable to the raw messiness of our actual lives.
That’s where The Places That Scare You by Pema Chödrön offers something rare and truly essential.
In this heartfelt, direct, and deeply encouraging book, American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön shows us how our most painful experiences are not obstacles to the path—but gateways into awakening. With tenderness and fierce honesty, she guides us to turn toward our fear and pain, rather than away from it. What emerges is a path of courageous compassion—toward ourselves, others, and the whole messy beauty of being alive.
In this article, Spiritual Culture will explore what makes The Places That Scare You such a beloved and transformative guide, what core teachings it offers, and how it can help you live more fearlessly, lovingly, and freely—right where you are.
What This Book Is About
Originally published in 2001, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times is a follow-up to Pema Chödrön’s earlier work When Things Fall Apart. Both books draw from Tibetan Buddhist teachings, particularly those of her teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and are shaped by her years of monastic training and personal experience with suffering and healing.
Pema’s writing style is simple but profound. She doesn’t offer abstract theory or high-level scholarship. Instead, she shares grounded, intimate wisdom—like a spiritual friend speaking directly to your heart. The tone of the book is warm, humble, and often disarmingly funny. It’s full of reminders that perfection is not required. All we need is the willingness to stay present, to be curious, and to gently open—even in the face of fear.
Structure and Flow
The book is organized into short chapters, each focusing on a particular theme or practice. Some chapters are only a few pages long, making them ideal for daily contemplation. It includes teachings on:
- Opening the heart in the midst of fear
- Developing bodhichitta (the awakened heart)
- Working with difficult emotions and thoughts
- The practice of loving-kindness (metta)
- Tonglen meditation (giving and receiving)
- The six paramitas (perfections)
- Mind training slogans (lojong)
Rather than following a rigid linear arc, the chapters build gently upon one another, creating a soft but persistent encouragement to awaken—not by avoiding the hard parts of life, but by meeting them with mindfulness and compassion.
☸️ Core Teachings in the Book
1. Bodhichitta: The Awakened Heart
One of the book’s central themes is bodhichitta, a Sanskrit term meaning “the mind of awakening.” Pema describes it as both aspiration and action: the wish to be free from suffering and to help others be free, along with the courage to live that wish.
She writes:
“Bodhichitta is our heart—our wounded, softened heart. Now, if you look for that soft heart, it’s not something you can prove. But you can recognize it. You can honor it.”
Bodhichitta is not about becoming perfect. It’s about being real, open, and tender—even when it’s scary. The book helps us cultivate this heart through specific practices, like sitting with discomfort, extending kindness, and daring to love when it would be easier to shut down.
2. Fearlessness Through Staying with Fear
Rather than teaching us how to eliminate fear, Pema teaches us how to stay with it.
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.”
Instead of running away, numbing out, or lashing out, she encourages us to stay with our fear with a sense of curiosity. Where is it in the body? What story is the mind telling? What happens if we soften around it, just a little?
Through mindfulness, she says, we can see that fear is workable. It doesn’t have to be a wall—it can be a doorway. Fear becomes the very place where we practice staying present, loving ourselves, and discovering a deeper truth.
3. Tonglen: Breathing in Pain, Breathing out Relief
One of the most powerful practices in the book is tonglen, or “sending and receiving.” This counterintuitive practice invites us to breathe in the suffering of ourselves or others, and breathe out relief, love, and spaciousness.
At first, this may sound impossible or overwhelming. But Pema guides us gently:
“In the process of doing tonglen, we begin to feel love for both ourselves and others; we begin to take care of ourselves and others simultaneously.”
The practice isn’t about solving problems or fixing pain—it’s about connecting to our shared humanity. Tonglen dissolves the illusion of separation. We realize we are not alone in our suffering. And from that connection, a fierce compassion arises.
4. The Lojong Slogans: Mind Training for Real Life
Drawing from the traditional Tibetan lojong teachings, Pema presents a set of pithy “mind training slogans” that help reframe our thinking and shift our perspective.
Some examples include:
- “Drive all blames into one” (Take responsibility rather than blaming others)
- “Be grateful to everyone” (Even those who challenge us)
- “Always maintain only a joyful mind” (Not fake cheerfulness, but deep appreciation)
These slogans are like seeds planted in the heart. Over time, they grow into a spontaneous wisdom that shows up in daily life—not just on the cushion, but in traffic, in arguments, in grief, and in joy.
5. Compassion as the Path, Not the Outcome
Perhaps the most radical teaching in The Places That Scare You is this: compassion is not a reward for being good or a result of spiritual progress. It is the path itself.
This book invites us to live from the heart, even when it’s breaking. To care, even when it’s uncomfortable. To remain open, even when everything in us wants to shut down.
That is the true fearlessness Pema speaks of—not bravado, not stoicism, but the courage to stay present and love anyway.
Bringing the Teachings Into Daily Life
Who Is This Book For?
The Places That Scare You is for anyone who:
- Struggles with fear, anger, or shame
- Feels stuck in painful habits of thought or reaction
- Wants to deepen their compassion practice
- Is new to Buddhism and seeking accessible teachings
- Is experienced in meditation and wants emotional integration
- Feels heartbroken, confused, or raw—and needs a spiritual friend
Whether you’re a beginner or a long-time practitioner, this book offers something profoundly relevant. Its teachings meet you exactly where you are.
How to Apply It Practically
Here are a few ways to bring its wisdom into your daily life:
- Read Slowly, One Chapter at a Time
Each chapter can be read as a daily contemplation. Don’t rush—let it soak in. - Practice Tonglen When Emotions Arise
When you feel anger, fear, or grief, pause. Try breathing in that feeling for all beings, and breathe out spaciousness. It’s subtle but powerful. - Use the Lojong Slogans as Mantras
Pick one slogan a week. Write it down. Reflect on it throughout the day. Notice how it shifts your mind. - Soften Instead of Hardening
When something painful arises, see if you can soften around it, even a little. That softening is the doorway to bodhichitta.
Strengths and Challenges of the Book
Strengths
- Warm, accessible tone that’s both personal and practical
- Short chapters ideal for reflection or group study
- Deep emotional honesty without shame or pressure
- Realistic encouragement for imperfect humans
- Powerful practices like tonglen and loving-kindness
Considerations
- Those unfamiliar with Tibetan terms (like bodhichitta, tonglen, lojong) may need to pause and absorb definitions.
- Some teachings may challenge Western ideas of self-care or avoidance of pain—but that’s precisely the point.
- Readers seeking a structured “how-to” meditation manual might find the book more inspirational than instructional.
Still, these are not drawbacks but part of the invitation to walk through the places that scare us, rather than around them.
Your Journey Through This Book Begins Here
The Places That Scare You is not just a book—it’s a mirror, a lamp, and a friend. It reflects your deepest fears, lights a candle in the darkness, and walks beside you with steady love.
Pema Chödrön doesn’t promise quick fixes. But she does offer something more valuable: a path of compassionate courage, grounded in centuries of Buddhist wisdom and infused with a distinctly human tenderness.
If you feel called to this book, begin slowly. One page at a time. Let the teachings whisper rather than shout. Let them sit with you in the hard places—not to change them, but to gently soften your grip on fear.
As Pema writes:
“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.”
Let that indestructible part of you rise. Not by avoiding fear—but by walking directly into its heart, hand in hand with bodhichitta.
Related Reading Suggestion:
If this book speaks to you, consider reading When Things Fall Apart or Start Where You Are—also by Pema Chödrön. Both complement this journey beautifully.
May your heart remain open, even in the places that scare you.
